Could it be because we were never taught ourselves? Here's your chance.
We had a wonderful discussion in our "Thursday night group" about this topic. We are reading, and sharing, from this book on virtues.
The 20th chapter is titled Lust, Chastity, and the Freedom to Love.
Dr. Edward Sri, does a wonderful job of explaining things to give us perspective.
I'll share a few things he writes to encourage you to get the book and read the whole thing. It's really good. I highly recommend you read it with someone (maybe your children), and share your thoughts. It's amazing to experience the difference from reading it alone.
Here are a few quotes from the book:
"In our modern culture, we are trained to think about love as primarily what others do for us--they give us a rush of emotions, romantic feelings, sexual pleasure, a feeling of not being alone anymore. The greater the feelings, the greater the love must be.
But real love is not so self-centered. Real love is not so inward looking: what you do for me. Authentic love is outward looking. As Saint Thomas Aquinas explains, 'To love is to will the good of another. To seek what is best for the other person. This has nothing to do with the feelings the other person gives me. Those feelings aren't bad, and they can enrich a relationship, but they are not the essence of love.
The danger of relationships that focus on those feelings, especially sexual feelings, is that the ones we love are not really committed to us for who we are. They are committed more to what they get out of us: pleasure, feelings, and emotions. But what happens when the fun times, pleasure, and romantic feeling start to fade? ..."
"Deep down, however, we long for lasting love. We long to be loved for who we are, not as tools for making other people happy and giving them pleasure. We long to be seen, known, valued, and loved, not used. That is why we need the virtue of chastity to moderate our powerful attraction to sexual pleasure: so that we can build relationships of authentic friendship and love and not fall into the culture of use."
Is that enough of a taste for you?
He goes on to give good examples, etc.
It's very well worth reading and implementing.
Here's the closing of the chapter:
"In sum, chastity is not one long no. It is a yes to the person, a yes to God, and a yes to love. It is the virtue that gives us self-control in sexual attraction so that we have self-possession. When we are chaste, we are not slaves to our sexual desires, which lead us to reduce others to bodies. We have the inner strength to rise above those sexual desires and see the persons and treat them with the dignity they deserve. Instead of reducing people to objects for our pleasure, we are able to get to know them, honor them, and take delight in them for who they are, not just for their bodies. It's in this way that chastity gives us the freedom to love."
Food for thought right? There's more. I only shared the beginning and the end.
You can get the book at Ignatius Press here's a quick link: https://ignatius.com/the-art-of-living-alp/
I hope you enjoy it as much as we are.
Share the love, right?
It's a great book to give to your teen age children, by the way. If you have children in Confirmation classes, this is a great book for them to read.
I wish I would have learned this in my teens. It's a game changer for sure. It is a game changer for people of all ages!
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