Today I found myself struggling with a feeling I had not felt in a long time. The feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you find out that someone you trusted and you thought cared about you, "stabs you in the back". You find out that that person is nice to you to your face and laughs with others behind your back. You know the feeling?
For many years I struggled with the feelings that this would bring. I felt shamed and angry. It made me want to go and "give that person a piece of my mind"! If I internalized it, I would withdraw from everyone. I didn't want to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or do anything.
I felt hurt, betrayed and sorta of stuck. You see, it was a family member. That's even worse right?! The thing is, I really don't think she means any harm. I don't think she realizes that doing that is harmful or causes pain to the other person.
Instead of dwelling on the awful feeling at the pit of my stomach, I decided to coach myself. Yes, we can actually coach ourselves. It's interesting how it works because it's really all happening in the mind. It's all based on our thoughts.
I started by writing down how I felt and worked at discovering what my thoughts were. I discovered thoughts that had been ingrained in my memory for years, back to my childhood.
You see, my self esteem as a child was not a good one. People picked on me. What is called bullying nowadays. In those days I didn't have support. I had no one to talk to about it. So I sucked it up and kept going as best as I could.
It took many years and many mistakes to finally get to the point where I realized that it didn't need to be that way. That I could defend myself and that I didn't need to allow people to treat me that way.
Today when I felt hurt, it was as if all those feelings from the past poked their ugly head out to taunt me.
When I decided to coach myself, I was able to look at all the thoughts and feelings. First, I processed the feelings. Then, I went to work on the thoughts. It took a while. It's a little harder to find our own thoughts by ourselves. It's much easier to have another coach help us.
Once I found the thoughts, I was able to work on it and it helped to get things back in perspective and overcome the feelings that were holding me down. From that space, I was able to move on, be and do what I wanted to do.
You see, it's our thoughts that cause our feelings, not what other people do or say. What people say is more about what they are thinking and feeling. We don't need to allow their behavior to affect our feelings.
It's tough to change the way we feel if we don't know how to. And I mean really dealing with the feelings not shoving them under the carpet. And its difficult to change our thoughts if we can't see them or don't understand how to do it.
There is a very real reason we feel hurt and down. But it doesn't need to stay that way. We can do something about it.
Let me teach you how. There is a way out.